I WON a Convertible Mercedes and £ 1000 Bongo Bingo Cash!

Yes, it really happened. I won BIG in Bongo Bingo …

I’m not really telling anyone. Not unless I’ve known them for a while anyway. Guess I don’t want people to treat me any differently – knowing that I won BIG at Bongo’s Bingo.

In all my life before that fateful evening, I had never won anything. Lucky draws at the rugby club, raffle at school, even the lottery – never had the slightest glimpse of anything, but that was all about to change when I visited Bongo’s Bingo in March 2018.

My life has never been the same again, because I won the grand prize, and when I say “grand” I should probably put an “e” at the end because that prize was BIG!

I was actually going there to take pictures and videos for Manchester’s Finest social media, as I had been informed in advance that there was a super secret prize to be handed out – one for the book records – and I jumped with some friends and took out the dabbers.

Now, I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to Bongo’s Bingo – I guess you probably have – but it’s something that needs a healthy dose of “lube” to fully enjoy it. But fear not, I was suitably hosed and acting like a prized cock head around Game 2.

Bongo’s usually start out small, before creating a crescendo of bigger and better prices, and so by the start of the night people were leaving with £ 100 in cash, a Henry Hoover and the obligatory cardboard cutout, which on this particular evening was a pre-Philip Schofield scandal.

By halftime I was aware that the amount of money handed out to the winners was getting more and more impressive and at one point the host – the exquisite Jonny bongo – unveiled the GRAND Prize of the evening.

Using his handy large LCD screen, he made all 1,000 people in Albert Hall aware that the last game of the evening will be for a convertible Mercedes and £ 1,000 in cash. The place has become wild.

Of course, I did my job diligently, documenting the evening on Finest’s IG, casually dabbing and dabbing, but not really paying too much attention except where the next Vodka Coke came from and rather excitedly getting up on the table for a dance every 40 seconds.

So I was quite enlightened. And it was time for the last game of the evening. Knowing that I never win anything, I still took the time to write down my numbers precisely; one line – won, two lines – won, and then it was all or nothing for a full house.

As the final numbers were read I have to say I was concentrating as much as possible not to screw up. Get the wrong number, go on stage and look like a fool for making the wrong call; “Why are you such a dickhead!” “ I could hear everyone yelling at me. So I needed to get it right.

Then that was it, I can’t remember the last number on my card but I marked it and I exploded – It’s a BINGO! Go on! Yes! A fucking Mercedes and a big one! I could not believe it.

My elation was short-lived however, as another audience member shouted “BINGO” at the same time. Anyone who has been to Bongo’s will know what it means… sudden death dances.

Now I’m not a bad dancer by any means, but neither am I John Travolta in the 70s. I was nervous, especially when the other person was actually a woman – all they had to do. do was do the splits, a little bit of twerk or take his top off and the crowd would be on his side and I would lose.

Three rounds, three dances then a final “Clap-O-Meter” to determine the winner. I was fucking going to go and hope I don’t look too much like a tool. Well you already know what happened – I WON!

I don’t think the other girl on stage was aware of the enormity of what was at stake – because her dancing and performance was pitiful. In an effort to beat her – on my last lap, I took my shirt off and threw it into the crowd – and I think that’s what convinced me. The applause kept on going and as I was declared the winner everyone stood up and started singing ‘King of the North, King of the North’ (Game of Thrones was huge back then and I had a top knot).

Here it is – the Mercedes

I can honestly say it was probably the best time of my life. Before and since.

I was introduced backstage and a guy started counting a crisp fifties. He then asked for my name and email address and said they would be in contact with the car, I pocketed the dosh and returned to my seat.

Before I got home I went to Wetherspoons (Paramount at the top of Oxford Road) and spent some of my earnings. A bottle of champagne and a few bottles of Duvel and they barely made an ounce.

The car ended up on my road in front of my house

A few weeks later the car arrived and if I’m honest I was way too tall for that. I looked like this really tall guy in that episode of The Simpsons going by in a small car. Or a bit like Jeremy Clarkson in a Hot Wheels.

By the time the car arrived I had already spent my £ 1000. A few days after winning I went to Mexico City for my friend’s wedding and was seriously spending money. I also think I used it to pay a few bills – the gasoline one if memory serves.

But what a night it was. I still remember it like it was yesterday, and I genuinely think it’s me now to win anything new.


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